This mum doesn't believe in keeping kids happy

I REFER to the article, 'Most S'pore kids are happy: Study' (ST, Nov 30).

In the study, children were asked if they felt happy often and whether they had fun. As the majority indicated that they were happy, the study concluded that our children are generally emotionally healthy. A comment was also made that working mothers can now rest easy.

I find this disturbing because it implies that our main task as parents is to ensure that our children are happy. As a mother of two, I know it does not take much work to make my children happy. All I need to do is turn on the TV and give them their favourite snacks and require them to do absolutely no work at all.

I contend that as a mother, it is not my job to make my children feel happy but rather my job is to keep them unhappy.

They are unhappy when I limit their intake of sugary foods and TV time because they are bad for them. They are unhappy when I do not allow them to have their way all the time or buy them whatever toy they want.

They are unhappy when I insist that they apologise and make restitution to others they have offended. They are unhappy when I insist that they pick up after themselves. The list goes on.

However, I believe this training that I give them will teach them the basic skills of discipline, finding joy in their work, self control, conflict resolution, respecting others and being contented when they don't have what they want. Without these skills, they will not function well as working adults or be emotionally healthy.

A mother who fears making her children unhappy by insisting that they do the right thing is unlikely to have the strength of character to bring up a child who himself is a person of character. This training is hard work for the mother and takes a lot of time.

I would say that all mothers (working or otherwise) cannot rest easy until their children are grown up for, as the old proverb goes, 'A child left to himself brings his mother to shame.'

Therefore, let us not deceive ourselves into thinking that we are doing all right if our children say that they are happy.

Lynda Kiong Chiew Min (Mdm)

Source: ST Forum Dec 6, 2007