Children Discipline

Discipline in the home and the school has become a major problem and increasing inability and inefficiency in managing children,

The traditional rewards and punishments method are no longer effective but also creates a number of problems:

1. Punishment has the effect of inviting retaliation. A parent who smacks a boy for hitting his sister and then sends him to his room may find that the boy scribbles all over the wallpaper. What he is saying is: “if you have the right to hurt me, I have the same right to hurt you, your things” Revenge and retaliation are characteristic of children who are controlled by punishment.
2. Punishment has the effect of temporarily suppressing behavior but not of eliminating it. A parent who punishes a child for coming home late from school will find that, for a short time, the child will come home on time. But observe the child a few weeks later and you will find the undesired behavior will come back again. More punishment will again temporarily suppress the lateness. The principle is clear: if you are going to control by punishment you must keep on punishing. Is that the way you want to raise children? To behave correctly only because of the threat of punishment?
3. The use of punishment requires that the parents assume the responsibility for their children’s behavior. Rather than allowing children to make decisions and accept responsibilities for them. It is no wonder that so many children are irresponsible when they have not been required to experience the consequences of irresponsibility.
4. The use of punishment invites resistance as children, whose goal is power, refuse to do what parents want. Try to make children tidy their rooms, complete homework, take out the rubbish or pick up the toys and they will fight you. No amount of punishment will deter such children whose purpose it is to defeat you. The use of punishment only helps children to develop greater powers of resistance and defiance and to challenge parents in a manner and degree which were unthinkable in past generations.

Rewarding children for accepting behavior is just as detrimental as punishing them. Like punishment, reward is a product of a system which assumes that others know what is best for individuals and rewards them when they conform. Children raised under such a system soon develop a “What is in for me?’ attitude and will refuse to participate unless they are rewarded. “ Would you like to mow the lawn? John?” Children come to believe that they have a right to be rewarded and will not do anything unless a reward is promised. If ever you require children to do something for which they will not rewarded, they will punish you. No matter whether you are using reward or punishments you are likely to end up being punished by children either through revenge or retaliation.

Is there an alternative to rewards and punishments which is more effective and relevant to the today’s parent’s environment? Yes, the technique of behavioral consequence has many advantages over rewards and punishments and none of the unfortunate consequence. It is one of the most important techniques parents can use to teach their children to be responsible for their behavior and to improve their relationship with their children

The above passage is adapted from Becoming better parents by Dr Maurice Balson